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Tag Archives: friend


I can’t believe I haven’t written since January 10. That was almost 3 weeks ago. That’s awful. Let’s play catch up and then start discussing all the things going on.

My journey in terms of school is in the last phase. I am in my last semester. I received my placement. I am in a Morris County High School teaching seniors and sophomores. Well, I haven’t started with the sophomores yet. The seniors are a handful. I think you know what I mean especially if you are in the education field. The first class I have has about 4 individuals that just do not care or want to do the work. Heartbreaking really. . . It’s frustrating because I can relate to these kids on some level. They all come into school wearing this mask. The persona is a facade for their friends. What’s funny is I’ve been there and I am there now.

Is anyone really outwardly the way they portray?   I like to think I am at this point in my life but to an extent. For example, I believe I said in posts back that if you are a real friend of mine, I would do ANYTHING for you. And that part of me is true. Is there any time where the “doing” is too much though? How do you know if it is really appreciated or the appreciation is just being expressed because it’s the right thing to say at the time? It also baffles me how I have all the answers for people who need them but when it comes to my own situations, I just don’t know.  I don’t have any answers. . .

In terms of a facade, I can definitely come across as what some may call a “bad ass.”  I feel like I have to be that way because of everything I have been through. I feel like if I drop that for one second, the piranha will attack. I categorize myself as either a hard candy with a marshmallow middle or a pistachio nut – A somewhat mushy center but surrounded by a hard shell. The mushy center has been coming through a lot lately and to be honest I don’t know if I like that.  In terms of empathizing with my students’ facade, I feel like lately to quote part of Shakespeare, my world really is a stage – in the classroom for sure but out of it as well. I’m struggling with things – some of it disclosed, some of it not. Sometimes you just have to keep things to yourself. As much as that may be an internal struggle, when you assess the possible outcome in your head, the repercussions may be worse. Even though it just may be a possibility for the outcome to be consequential, you still have to consider it.   In addition, other thoughts I have had in my head, I feel like they have to go on the back burner right now as well. I just feel that would give the perception of me thinking about myself.  As much as I want to be selfish for once in my life, I don’t think now is a good time for that. Will the day ever come where I stop sacrificing myself and my wants for everyone else?  I don’t think I can.  I don’t know how. I’m NOT that person who expects their needs to be met first regardless. I never have been that way and quite frankly I don’t think I ever could be. . .  

 

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So I have had several different people read our one-act play called The Switch. One person is the individual playing opposite me who is playing the reporter. He wanted to read the script before he agreed to take the part. He took the part. I guess that means he liked it? Three others read it as well.

One individual has a Master’s Degree in English, is a former journalist, and is a college professor in Connecticut. She is a college buddy of mine. We used to work at the local paper together as well. I trust her. She is very creative. She named her daughter Arcadia Cosette – Cosette being from Les Mis.     I think that is great. I always said if I had a daughter I would name her Cecily Teresa. Cecily from The Importance of Being Earnest  and Teresa being my maternal grandmother’s name and my Confirmation name. Now we kick around Brielle or Zoe (our lead character in our play) for a daughter’s name. Not that kids will come real soon if at all but who knows. I don’t have a crystal ball. In any case, my friend loved it. She thought the dialogue flowed.

A second individual who I went to high school with also thought it was good work. He graduated a year before me and is a screenplay writer. He actually has a meeting in Los Angeles next week with executives for his screenplay. I can’t even imagine to begin to know what he is feeling. That’s awesome! He is a horror guru. When he read the play, he said playfully that we should have one character kill the other  and typed in a “LOL.”   He said the hubby and I did good work.

The last person I sent it to you is a long time friend as well. He is a member of SAG and does a lot of work in the NJ/NYC area. He actually said it was very wordy, said there was a lack of contractions, and said the dialogue sounds like they took a conversation course. Can characters actually be too intellectual when they speak? Does an intellectual conversation mean it’s not realistic? I mean when I told my friend from Connecticut she said that psychopaths usually speak very intellectually and asked if I ever heard Bundy talk. While I appreciate my SAG friend’s feedback, I kinda disagree. But hey who am I? Who is my husband? I am just a girl from Prospect Park, NJ and he is just a guy from Pawnee, IL. Is everyone going to like it? No, probably not. I hope whoever comes and sees it at least has the backbone to dissect it after seeing it, ya know? This is only our first work. If it is an immediate crowd pleaser, great. If it’s not, will it bother me a little bit? Yes. Will I get over it and move on? Yes. Nothing is going to break my stride. How many times did Eminem choke on stage? How many times was he booed off stage?