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Today started off well. I got myself up at 6 a.m. to try to get my body used to getting up early again. I did great. I think it has to be the energy from working out so much. Today I spent an hour and half in the gym, got a mani/pedi, and went tanning. Things started spiraling after that. I was going to audition for a show and all my sheet music got lost. I went to the music store and all they had was the movie version of the show I use for auditioning so I bought it. I decided not to go audition because I wasn’t prepared, I couldn’t go to the call back night, and I got an email from my college stating they haven’t heard anything from the place I am supposed to intern at. Lovely since the semester starts the 18th and I am clueless.  Thankfully a professor of mine has been awesome but it’s so annoying!  In addition there was so much traffic on the way home, it took me a half hour to get home from a spot that usually takes 10 minutes. This all has made me so cranky. 

There has also been all these other things coming to fruition. I realized so much stuff in these 5 days that not many know about. This deals with what I blogged two days ago. Is it weird that this is all I have been thinking about? Should it be a recurring thought or no? Sucks when the thoughts  occur on a consistent basis.  It’s one of those very peculiar situations. I’m not into quests and I am not a chess player. I’m one for consistent fun in whatever capacity as opposed to giving stuff a whirl just to do it. I NEVER thought I would give so much thought (not in a skeptical, doubting, or negative way) to something like this.  I don’t know. . . How much can someone insert themselves into situations and then get nothing in return?  I believe in being altruistic  to an extent. When you start banging your head against the wall, when you know it’s falling on deaf ears, and when the crickets start chirping on the other end, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it to try so hard? I mean if someone isn’t trying as hard as you are, is there really anything there? No patience for untrue people. A frined of  mine that I hadn’t seen in two years was telling me a story about an individual she really cared about. She went above and beyond and got taken advantage of.  She couldn’t take it anymore and stopped talking to the person. You could tell when she was telling the story that she was hurt by it.  How many times can one get a cartoon jackass head on their shoulders before the epiphany occurs? A lot to think about . . .

Here’s my mood right now. This is a song I listened to over and over again when my father passed away but the words right now are still so fitting for everything going on in my life one way or another. I still don’t feel whole or know who I am. I guess in reality I still am Broken in some capacity. :

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It’s been 8 days since my last post. Where does the time go? I was drawn to my blog today. I have a lot on my mind. It’s been racing all morning. One of many things I have been thinking about is how crazy this week has been and the actual craziness doesn’t stop until Sunday which happens to be Halloween! Weirdness! 

Let’s start with Monday! I had a trainer appointment, a meeting for the Educators club I am in and class. I aced my lesson plans I had to hand in! WOOT! That’s right! I got an A. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I will never bomb in that professor’s class again because I remember how mentally sick it made me to not only disappoint myself but to disappoint her. Again I ask, why the hell do I care so much?

Yesterday, Wednesday, my supervisor came to the high school I am interning at to observe me for the first time. I was nervous. I know I drove my cooperating teacher nuts this whole week. She is just too cool and nice to admit it to me. In any case, I aced my lesson! I received all positive feedback when I met with the supervisor afterwards. WOOT again! Talk about kickin’ ass and taking names! 2-2!

Tonight I am taking a workshop at a college where I did my undergrad. It shows you how to use movie trailers to teach creative writing. I am actually looking forward to it. The only downfall? It’s 3 hours long.

This Saturday is the moment of truth. Our play is being performed. Just to recap, this is our first play. It’s a one-act. It has been an interesting process for sure. The woman we have playing the lead is an actor for a living (God Bless her) and thinks we should showcase it in NY! WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?! We are blown away by hearing that. I said to my husband last night that I couldn’t believe she thought we should do that and I followed it up with “Who the heck are we?”  I have to say, there are many layers to our character. It also leaves a lot of questions unanswered at the end.  I just hope the audience likes it. My head is going to be spinning on Saturday!

I’ve also been having weird dreams lately. Don’t they say that dreams are suppressed thoughts or fantasies? Oh boy. Let’s hope not.   

Oh and by the way, spammers, stop spamming. I am not interested in anything you are pushing.


Anyone watch The Singoff last season? NOTA is awesome! – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG0PiVtqLxM I LOVE accapella! There CD comes out in November. This is great too – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbdPeSnXvUY

I started tweaking my play from my undergrad. I had to modernize it big time. I have 5 pages of dialogue right now. I know the concept I want to use. I just have to figure out what I am going to do and what direction I am going to go in.

I taught my third lesson yesterday at the high school I was put in. I have to get my act together with time management. I am so used to doing these damn mock lessons for Kean, that I find I am planning 20-25 minute lessons and then leaving the rest of the period for the activity. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. My cooperating teacher is really great though. She tells not to beat myself up since this is still new to me. Just because someone tells you not to beat yourself up, doesn’t mean you don’t continue to. I am the same way with theater. If I can’t get a song down or dance routine down the first time I do it, I lose my mind. That’s just me. I have that Uncle Ben’s Rice mentality – Instant! By the way, yesterday’s Quote of the Day was from a male student in the 7th period class who when I gave the activity just kind of sat there so I said “Hey too cool for school, you going to write something down or what?” So he says, “I would rather just type it at home. I am not a pre-draft kinda guy.” ALRIGHTY THEN! Too funny. I love the 7th period kids.  

Please tell me why a brand new campus building wouldn’t have computers in the classroom? Of course now I have to borrow a lap top from the professor to do my mock lesson. It’s quite embarrassing. My husband and I are just not in the position to spend money on a lap top right now. Maybe when I get a job but not while I am on unemployment. I swear these things only happen to me. It’s bad enough I am still having flashbacks from the Spring semester. Whatever. What’s going to be is going to be. I have to go back to the scale of 1 to 10 – 10 being losing my father. Where does not having a lap top really fall on that scale? I don’t want to have to go begging for a higher grade though. I’ve already done that once. That’s when my humility surfaces. I hate acting like a big mush. Did you ever notice when you put your heart on your sleeve you regret it later? I guess I am having business flashback where “Kevin” told my husband and I on numerous occasions that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. UGH! I HATE doing that. That’s a character trait I can’t seem to get rid of. Who really appreciates that except your parents and your spouse?

(I would like to wish a Happy 37th Birthday to a friend of 23 years. She knows who she is – Now we can get FV and choose your Kia or my Santa Fe to cruise in. What mid 30s? We are 21 over and over every year! Those were the days of  M. Gizz! :-0)


Did you ever want something for yourself so badly? I love writing. That is why I started this blog. It wasn’t just for the catharsis. It was because I just love to write. I think I mentioned a few blogs back that my husband and I were writing a one-act play and that it was going to be performed. We finished it. After many changes and editing it numerous times, we finished it. I uploaded it on the government copyright page today. I am so happy and so excited. I have waited so long for something like this. On the night it is performed, Oct 30, 2010, I am going to be extremely giddy – kinda like Scrooge at the end of a Christmas Carol after he had his epiphany. I am sure not everyone is going to like it. Just the fact that we completed a one-act play makes me feel great. Something I wrote with my husband is going to be performed. Unreal. I actually started writing a book about the topic of the play. We took that concept and made the one-act. We are thinking about expanding it to a full length play or a screenplay. We have no experience in screenplays but I know I am certainly open to learning. I’m sure my husband is too. Another option is just to keep the book idea. I don’t know but I am psyched! I have always wanted to have my name recognized for something. I never wanted to be just another person in society working a regular job. This has made my journey to this point all the more worth the hurdles.

On September 8, I started interning at the high school I was assigned to. My cooperating teacher is great. She’s very helpful and supportive. I have already taught two lessons. It went pretty well. I had some of my own criticisms about time management. That’s just the flaw of this perfectionist attitude I have developed. I’m tired of failing at things, ya know?

I have also started two other classes. The computer class I have, honestly, I hate it. The professor is inserting lessons on binary numbers. I asked him point-blank what this had to do with teaching English in a classroom. Lisa and Math – HUGE oxymoron.  I do not do math. I hate math. I’m sorry all you mathematicians. I give you credit because I have ZERO patience for it. My other class – so far so good. I’ve had this professor before. I think I mentioned about her class the prior semester where I bombed her lesson plan project. Now in the class, I go and just keep my mouth shut. I know better now because I know her. I am going to do my best to do good lessons. We have to do two literature lesson plans. I wish I could use the lessons I already taught at the high school! She picked the book though. Bummer! I definitely understand why it is more uncomfortable to perform in front of your peers than it is in front of the room with the kids. In the classroom, I brought my personality and a little of the “Prospect Park – Lisa Jersey” swagger. It worked. Being in front of my peers doing mock lessons, eh, not real comfortable. Oh well. I have no choice.


Has anyone seen this? – http://wonderwall.msn.com/tv/snooki-charges-200000-to-walk-an-events-red-carpet-1572458.story?gt1=28135 – Good Lord, REALLY? Not to sound like a hater but . . .

On another note, my husband and I are writing a one-act that is being performed on October 30 at Pianos Bar & Grill in Bloomfield, NJ. I think we are going to call it The Switch or Identity Crisis. It’s part of a show called Midnite Stories: Behind the Bar Edition (A “Twilight Zone” Type anthology). I am quite excited! To see something come alive for the first time that my husband and I created makes my adrenaline flow.  It’s for a group called Mysterical Players that we are a part of. I’ve been doing their PR. Check the group out on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Mysterical-Players/274445179919?ref=ts

Back to the journey. Our relationship with Melissa and Frank was touch and go there for a while. Thank God that was rectified.

I didn’t think life and grief could bother someone as much as it botherd me. It’s hard everytime you are down to keep getting kicked. We had to do what we had to do to get our heads straight – more me though. I felt like the killjoy. I had to get the fog cleared from my head because the next semester at school was starting not long after the 1 year anniversary of my father’s death. Also at that time, I was playing one of the lead roles (The Queen) in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs at a local theater in the area. I have to admit, with help from some friends that were actors/actresses, I came into my own. I worked with my singing teacher every week to get me prepared for my solos I had to sing. That boosted my self-esteem IMMENSELY. It was such a great experience. I had little kids coming up to me, some afraid, some not, after the show to take pictures. I had parents coming up to me telling me how great I did. I even had a parent recognize me in church. It was an incredible moment every time. 

The second semester was interesting. I had to travel to two schools for observations. Of course the commute was not close but I didn’t mind. I like driving. I can blast my tunes and sing at the top of my lungs. I know what you are thinking – This woman is a goof ball! – Yeah, pretty much! You either love me or hate me I guess. I am fine with either. In addition to the observations I had a Saturday class that was so boring. I think I had this same professor when I was at William Paterson. He basically sat in a chair at the front of the room and just talked. He would make us do rinky dink group work during class but otherwise I was taking so many notes. UGH! How can you teach like that in general but on Saturday to boot! An extra-large french vanilla couldn’t stop me from wanting to stick pins in my eyes! It was terrible. The professor made us meet with him at the end of the semester and asked what could be changed about the course. Being the person I am, of course I told him. I told him I was all about progressive education and there had to be more than lecturing. This was also the professor that kept looking at my chest while I was talking in that final meeting. I wanted to snap my fingers and whistle and be like “Yo man, my eyes are up here!” I hope I saved the next bunch of poor souls that took him.

My Monday night class was great. The teacher was cool of course with me. We discussed Giants tickets because she was a season ticket holder too. Don’t ask me why teachers take such a liking to me. Maybe because I go into the classroom and just do what I have to do and be myself. She is a first grade teacher during the day so by the time she got to us, she was exhausted which worked to our benefit. She taught the lesson and basically had us out at a reasonable time. Never did we leave at 10:15 p.m. I loved that considering I had like a 50 minute commute home.

I put myself in several predicaments in my Wednesday class. My first set of papers I bombed. The second lesson we had to do, I bombed. Being singled out by all my colleagues in the math field really annoyed me. I was already cranky because it was 100 degrees in the room. The math folk did their “mock” lesson and chose to incessantly annoy me by calling on me because I’m not a math person. COME ON MAN!!!! Lisa “Jersey” was slowly surfacing. I was going to explode. Thank God we were in the classroom. I bit my tongue as much as it would let me. I’m lucky I didn’t bleed out all over from how hard I was biting. By the time I presented my lesson, I wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want to do it. I hated that we were in an old school classroom and I didn’t have a laptop. I had to use the blackboard. I am not a blackboard teacher. I like using Powerpoint. The set up they had in there, one would have asked, “Did you get a free toaster with this too?” It was like reaching into the cracker jack box and pulling out the prize – Woo hoo an old school set up! UGH! I irked my professor. I irked myself. I got thrown under the bus in front of my classmates. It was terrible. I was told that it didn’t seem like I liked writing at all. That is the WORST thing you can say to me. It was like she stuck a steel knife in my gut. That bothered me A LOT. It bothered me that I let her down. In fact, it was all I could think about for days. I even journaled about it. I can’t tell you the last time I had picked up a journal before that. Thank God I got a do over on my papers at least. I was able to pick the grades up. I hate Cs. No Cs yet on my transcript *KNOCK ON WOOD*

I had another class that was half of a semester. It was a one credit course. The professor was cool. I did well in that class too.

I couldn’t wait for the semester to be over. I was looking forward to the summer even though I had to take Summer I and Summer II classes. When you are on unemployment, they want to rush you through everything and make you jump through hoops.