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Tag Archives: Shakespeare

I can’t believe I haven’t written since January 10. That was almost 3 weeks ago. That’s awful. Let’s play catch up and then start discussing all the things going on.

My journey in terms of school is in the last phase. I am in my last semester. I received my placement. I am in a Morris County High School teaching seniors and sophomores. Well, I haven’t started with the sophomores yet. The seniors are a handful. I think you know what I mean especially if you are in the education field. The first class I have has about 4 individuals that just do not care or want to do the work. Heartbreaking really. . . It’s frustrating because I can relate to these kids on some level. They all come into school wearing this mask. The persona is a facade for their friends. What’s funny is I’ve been there and I am there now.

Is anyone really outwardly the way they portray?   I like to think I am at this point in my life but to an extent. For example, I believe I said in posts back that if you are a real friend of mine, I would do ANYTHING for you. And that part of me is true. Is there any time where the “doing” is too much though? How do you know if it is really appreciated or the appreciation is just being expressed because it’s the right thing to say at the time? It also baffles me how I have all the answers for people who need them but when it comes to my own situations, I just don’t know.  I don’t have any answers. . .

In terms of a facade, I can definitely come across as what some may call a “bad ass.”  I feel like I have to be that way because of everything I have been through. I feel like if I drop that for one second, the piranha will attack. I categorize myself as either a hard candy with a marshmallow middle or a pistachio nut – A somewhat mushy center but surrounded by a hard shell. The mushy center has been coming through a lot lately and to be honest I don’t know if I like that.  In terms of empathizing with my students’ facade, I feel like lately to quote part of Shakespeare, my world really is a stage – in the classroom for sure but out of it as well. I’m struggling with things – some of it disclosed, some of it not. Sometimes you just have to keep things to yourself. As much as that may be an internal struggle, when you assess the possible outcome in your head, the repercussions may be worse. Even though it just may be a possibility for the outcome to be consequential, you still have to consider it.   In addition, other thoughts I have had in my head, I feel like they have to go on the back burner right now as well. I just feel that would give the perception of me thinking about myself.  As much as I want to be selfish for once in my life, I don’t think now is a good time for that. Will the day ever come where I stop sacrificing myself and my wants for everyone else?  I don’t think I can.  I don’t know how. I’m NOT that person who expects their needs to be met first regardless. I never have been that way and quite frankly I don’t think I ever could be. . .  



 As the time went by I found myself in a bad place mentally but I started classes in September 2009. My first two classes were Shakespeare Survey and British Lit. My thought on this? Oh boy – HATED Shakespeare at the time and wasn’t really diggin Beowulf.  I joked with my husband telling him how ducky my first semester was going to be.

It actually wasn’t too bad. I did awesome. In fact, I was one of the top 3 in the Shakespeare class and my professor, Sister Meg, made that known quite often. That class was A LOT of work. She wasn’t the last to call me out in class. Kean has this thing where the professors like to call you out good or bad in front of your classmates. What’s up with that? Stop me if this is old school, but when I was younger it was, “See me after class” or “Come to my room at the end of the day.” I was never called out at William Paterson or Manchester or Prospect Park School 1. Wait! I take that back. I remember in history class at Manchester, Mr. Reuter came up to my desk when I fell asleep and said, “Ms. so and so, your grades are not good enough in here for you to be sleeping!” Ahhhh Mr. Reuter . . . If only I could do high school all over again.

British Lit went pretty well for me too. The professor was awesome. She broke down every piece of literature we read. I can’t tell you how important that was to me. My smarts are not analyzing literature I can tell you that – especially Old English. I actually found myself enjoying some of the Canterbury Tales. I couldn’t believe it!

I enjoyed my 19th Century Women’s Voices class at William Paterson during my undergrad. Dr. Perry loved me cause I always disagreed with her interpretations and had a mind of my own.  I also used to tell her how horrible I thought Emily Dickinson was. 

As my first semester at Kean came to a close, my husband and I and Melissa, Frank, and Squidge started planning a trip to Canada for New Years. The plan was for the 5 of us to drive to Old Quebec,  stay in a cabin for a few days in St Raymond where it is practically all French speaking, and then stay in a B&B in Quebec City. With my first Christmas without my dad approaching, and my frame of mind, I should have never agreed to go up there because it turned into a debacle.